Share a slice of your story: raw and unedited...

I'm just curious how folks are doing; and I know I learn something every time I read a snippet someone else has written. So take a moment to share a little snippet from your story. Don't edit it. Don't think too much about it. Just share it. It can be as short as a sentence or as long as a page or so.

If you want to give a little context, that's fine but I don't mean to interrupt your writing. Just want to peek over your virtual shoulders...

Thanks!
--Tim

my snippet
The locks in the mansion doors were a little similar to the locks in his own home. They must have been added much more recently than the age of the house. Ender carefully pulled and then pushed, turning the knob. A very satisfying click brought a quick smile and a wince at how loud the click had been. The door opened.

The study was dark, being a room that was fully enclosed by the house. There were no windows.

Ender stepped into the room and closed the door behind himself. He was a little surprised to hear something click shut, as if the lock had been somehow activated.

He found his hand reaching back for the door knob and was a little disconcerted to encounter only a smooth, flat surface.

"Don't panic, Ender," he whispered to himself. "Fear is the mind killer, blah de blah de blah. I will not fear."

Ender turned around so that he was facing the flat surface of the door. It was at this point that being in a completely dark and unfamiliar room made the hackles on the back of his neck stand on end. He felt horribly exposed standing there. An image came forth unbidden of an unamused Mr. Dreyling standing quietly there behind him, holding a large, sharp knife. A Mr. Dreyling who moved silently at will, whose broad shoulders held great strength and whose green eyes were cold.

Ender imagined Dreyling lifting the knife... Ender's back itched with the thought that the knife might be plunged there...

No, he was letting his imagination run away with him. Ender envisioned the door as he had seen it. There should be a door's edge he could feel with his finger tips... but the flat surface in front of him was utterly smooth.

Ender frowned, remembering the classical design of the wooden door on the other side--it had carved panels. But this side of the door was smooth.

Maybe he had somehow gotten mixed up in the dark and was feeling the wall beside the door? But the surface was smooth.

Feeling the sweat break out on his forehead and under his arms, Ender decided to try moving to his left. Step by step he moved, keeping his hands on the wall before him. Smooth. Smooth. Smooth.

After fifteen steps, Ender began feeling intense feelings of panic. The study couldn't be this large, could it?

You want unedited, you got it! Here's a scene, complete with author's notes, about one of my characters and his little sisters talking before diving into the taint, which, if you haven't been following my story, is a deadly miasma that settles over large portions of real estate. Note: Since writing this, I have learned the proper way to describe the orientation of things on a ship. Also note, I will not be deleting any part of this until after NaNo.

Anobi's sneek-peek.
In the middle room of the craft, Tony and Alex suited up, while Allie sat on a crate and watched. It was impossible to use the triple bunk for anything other than sleeping, so Alex and Tony had to sit on the trunks which held their clothes and personal belongings to put on their protective boots and pants.

The clothing was made of a combination of materials. It was mostly a synthetic, impermeable fabric, if it could even be called that. The knees, elbows, crotch, and other areas were reinforced with a specially treated leather, and all of the seams were coated with an impermeable wax or soap-like substance. The pants had to be donned first, and they were held up with suspenders. The boots and coat went on next, followed by the gloves and head piece. The coat went on last. (I dont know if I want taint to be lethal on contact, or just inhalation.) Over the head piece was the mask and goggles, designed to protect the eyes and filter out the gaseous taint, but Tony and Alex waited to put these on until it was time to rappel.

Are you going to find good stuff? Allie asked from her perch atop the storage crate.

There wasnt much room inside the craft. The large boiler engine took up the entire back end of the ship. The top of its boiler tank ended in the top level, and was used for cooking. Here, in the middle level, the hot boiler was separated from the living area by a metal mesh that was currently peppered with a variety of hanging clothes. The kids bunks were stacked on the left hand side of the room, when looking at the boiler. When looking at the boiler, the kids bunks were on the left-hand side of the room, and their trunks and some storage crates were lashed to the right-hand side. A rope hammock held more supplies along the ceiling.

Of course we are, Tony answered his sister with a twinkling smile. Dont we always?

Will you buy me something with th money you make from todays salvage? Allie asked.

If theres enough money left over, after we pay for food, fuel, and fabric, Ill get you something, Tony promised.

Whatll you get me? Allie pestered.

Well, what dyou want?

Allie screwed her face in thought, I want a pony.

A pony? Tony parroted, Where ya gonna keep it?

On the third floor, of course, Allie answered.

We dont have room for a pony there! Tony pointed out. Besides, itd eat all of moms plants. Pick another present, and make it a cheaper one this time.

Hm. Okay, how about a doll?

A doll? But you already have one, Tony pointed out.

Yeah, but its a floppy one. I want one of those that has the glass eyes, Allie explained.

Tony shrugged. A doll was a doll to him. Then again, he wasnt an eleven year-old.

(Authors note: Dolls are creepy. I should pick something else for her to want.)

He turned to his other sister, What about you, Alex? Do you want a doll, too?

No, Alex shook her head, dolls are for babies.

Are not! Allie interjected.

Alex ignored her, I want a camera.

Why do you want one of those? Tony wrinkled his nose.

Alex threw a glove at him. It deflated as it hit him, stuck briefly to his suit, and then peeled off almost comically a second later.

To take pictures with! I want to photograph the taint, she educated him.

Why do you need a picture? You see it every day, Tony reminded her.

I just do, okay? If Allison can want a second doll, I can want a photograph, all right?

Tony threw up his hands in defeat. There was just no arguing with women, no matter how old they were.

Fine, fine. A camera and a glass-eyed doll. Ill write it down so I dont forget.

Yay! Allie jumped off the crate and darted straight up the ladder, Mommy, Daddy! Tonys buying me a doll!

"So, what do you want?" Alex asked.

Tony pulled on first one boot, then the other as he answered, "I think I want a pocket watch; one that has a compass on it, too."

Quote:About a minute in, and the chamber finally opened enough for them to stand almost upright without hitting their heads. Erebus came up beside his friend and kept a hand on his shoulder so that they wouldnt lose each other in the near-pitch dark. Occasionally, they would come across a tiny pinprick of light, somehow making its way through layers of rock and soil and into the heart of the cave. They didnt lend much light to the floor of the cave, but they did reassure the boys that they were actually getting somewhere.

Can we turn back yet? Ademar asked. Havent we gone far enough?

Erebus stopped and squinted his eyes. The smell of sulfur was worse down here, and he wrinkled his nose. I think weve gone far enough. He turned to head back the way theyd come, but the space of stone that he had stepped on not thirty seconds before was gone, and he felt himself plummeting down into a crevasse in the rock. He yelped when he hit the bottom of the rift, his legs giving out beneath him and his knees cracking so hard against the stone that he saw stars burst behind his eyelids.

Ere? Ademar called frantically. Ere, are you okay?

Taking a moment to slowly collect himself, Erebus felt his way across the floor of the crevasse, desperately trying to map it out in his mind despite the darkness. Im okay, he said. Im okay, Ade.

He let out another yelp when his hand hit something so icy cold that it sent a chill straight through to his core. What the

Light exploded around him, blinding him and throwing him back against the rocks. Somewhere above him, he heard Ademar scream in agony before the shaking and rumbling of rock drowned out all other sounds.

Erebus threw his arms up to protect his face as stone bounced around him, pelting his already bruised knees and shins. It was only when he registered how raw his throat was that he realized he was screaming. And then, the rumbling stopped.

It was several long minutes before Erebus had dredged up the courage to open his eyes, and when he did, he scrabbled back, wishing that the stone wall would open up and swallow him whole.

There before him was a slash of pure black in the center of a beam of sunlight streaming in from the now mostly crumbled roof of the cave. It pooled on the floor like hot tar and stood almost twice the height of a normal man. It didnt look like anything hed ever seen before, and in fact, it looked almost as if the fabric of the universe had been rent apart and he was staring into the endless void beyond.

And then his eyes were drawn to the streak of crimson slowly making its way down the wall of the cleft, and his heart thudded in his chest as he followed it up. And there, at the top, was Ademar, his glassy eyes wide and unblinking. Blood streamed from his ears, nose, and mouth, and it was all he could do not to scream in agony at the sight.

Ah, its so good to be able to stretch and move again, the void said. Erebus wasnt sure if the thing actually had a voice, or if the words were spoken directly into his mind. Either way, they sounded wet and slick and cold as ice. Thank you for freeing me.

Brenda was vaguely aware of Vicki's hand on her arm as they climbed the steps. That was probably a good idea. Vicki obviously wasn't used to drinking anything stronger than a glass of wine. She seemed a bit tipsy and she'd swayed as they were leaving the martini bar.

Why were the stairs longer than usual? Maybe they'd walked right past the apartment and were continuing on up and up and up. Or maybe they were stuck in an Escher painting and while they seemed to be walking up, they really were just staying in the same place. That didn't seem very likely, though. Still, they'd been walking up the stairs for a long time.

"Come on, Brenda, one more flight and we'll be there," Vicki said.

"That's good." Brenda stopped abruptly. "Where are we going?"

"To your apartment."

"No, we have to go to your apartment. That's where Dustin is. He's watching the baby."

"I know," Vicki said. "But maybe we should settle you at your place, first."

Brenda shook her head. "No. I have to help Dustin with his leg. He thinks he can take care of himself, but he needs me. And I need him. I need him more than I need Alice. I like him more than Alice, too. Did I tell you that?"

"I believe you mentioned it."

"Those were very good martinis," Brenda said.

"Yes, but you probably shouldn't have had a third one."

"I didn't."

"Yes you did," Vicki said.

"Oh, is that why the stairs are taking forever to climb?"

"They're taking a long time because you keep sitting down instead of climbing them."

Brenda looked down and realized that she was sitting on a step. "This is silly. If I climbed to our apartment, I could sit on the sofa. That's much more comfortable. I could snuggle up to Dustin and give him a big-ole kiss."

"Yes," Vicki said. "But first you have to climb the stairs. One, two, three, that's right, stand up."

XD Love it.

But now it is morning and now Im going to talk to Will, I want him to know they are my first choice for the job.

Knock, Knock I call out.

Come on in, we are in back.

I panicked! WE? He didnt mean Jack did he. I came by today specifically hoping to avoid him. The second I walk into the room I can feel him there and my eyes light on his. He came over to give me a small hug right before Will did.

Hi, Im surprised to see you here Jack, I figured you would have the day off.

Not with this guy as my boss, come on you know this slave driver just as good as I do, if not better.

He joked elbowing Will. Will chimed in at that point saying they were working on plans for another project they were just offered.

That is fantastic! Im so happy for you. It wont take away time from my job though will it?

Does that mean we got the job?

On one condition I replied.

That quote you gave me, is that fair? You arent giving me some special deal because Im your friend and Lizzies sister are you? Because I dont care how much more I like your plans than the other company I will spend more money with them because Im not about to take money out of your pockets.

Jack started cracking up at that point.

To be honest Col, I tried to have him give you a little bit better deal but he wouldnt hear of it. He said you would come in here and raise hell if we did, and look at how right he was and we didnt even do it.

Will added to that I promise you Colleen, as we see the cost now that is what it stands at for materials and labor. If for some reason the materials go up Im not afraid to charge you for them. In fact I would probably be afraid not to.

Good. Than boys you are hired, give me some paperwork to sign.

With that Will and Jack high fived, Will gave me a giant hug and Jack gave me a big old loud smacking kiss on the lips.

Im going to love working in your store gorgeous.

As Will stood there gob smacked he then leaned in and whispered in my ear Just dont make me have to watch that Derek guy flirt with you too much. I might have to hurt him.

Realizing he shouldnt be gawking at us Will got on his phone calling Lizzie right away, while still sneaking peaks at us talking out of the corner of his eye.

You better get dressed up tonight cause Im taking you and Colleen out to celebrate.

Hey dont forget about me yelled Jack.

Yeah, yeah, Jack too. Yes. I love you too. Ill call you when your sister leaves.

Will you dont need to include me in your celebration. Take Lizzie and have a nice romantic night. I said right away.

Not a chance Col. If it wasnt for you we wouldnt have anything to celebrate. We are going out tonight.

There was not much I can say to get out of this one. It looks like Jack is going to get his way and Im going to end up spending Saturday night with him. How did he manage to swing this one?

I'm feeling rather stuck today, but unwilling to slow down on my word count, I wrote myself into the story to rant about it, and to have a look around. Here's some of what happened: (and I'm not cheating! All words count for Nano!)
I'm on board the DRAGN with my mc, Teragus Swansong.

wrote:So tell me, what is it that brings you into my story today? You said you had concerns.

I take a deep breath, and the DRAGN lurches above the tree line. I fight back momentary nausea, and quail at the thought of Teragus seeing me sprawled on the floor, retching onto the brocade rug that covers the metal mesh between us and the anti-grav chamber.

You all right? he asks. The nausea subsides.

I am now. I just had a moment, thats all.

So you were going to tell me about your life He adjusts the yoke upwards, and the DRAGN responds.

Theres just a lot going on right now. Im getting critiques on another story of mine, and thats about as uneven as flying in this dragon. Sometimes I think my story is great, sometimes I think its never going to leave the ground. And then theres having a decent word count. One minute Im thinking Im not going to have enough words to make the daily minimum, and then suddenly Im going to have all night to write again.

We settle into a steady elevation and the trees scud below us, their shadows waving up at us like accusing fingers.

They all say the writing thing isnt easy sometimes. Im often amazed at what you can do. I get messages from the time loop.

So you know? About the time loop?

Not everything, but Im beginning to get some inklings of whats going on.

Yeah, thats the thing, I sigh. I have a lot of loose ends in this story, and Im beginning to lose confidence that I will be able to tie them up.

He takes his gaze off the screens to look at me. His watery eyes are suddenly steady, his usually mobile face still. You need to learn to have confidence. He takes his hands off the yoke. Your turn, Im going to show you how to fly this thing.

I let my eyes go wide, and shake my head. No, not yet. You havent even shown me how to steer. I dont know what all these dials stand for. Whats on those screens? How do I know which one is the front and which one is the back?

He points at the screen directly in front of my seat, one that projects an image of a distant body of water and is the exact same image as the one on his. Thats whats in front of us. Were headed over Wisconsin, up to Lake Superior. Then he taps the screens on either side of it, one after the other. These are what lies to the right and left of the craft. When you turn he grabs the yoke and takes a slow lazy curve to the right, where another lake is displayed. You move the image on the right to the center screen. He lets go of the yoke. Now you try.

My hands are shaking and sweating, but I grab the yoke. I cant let him down.

I really like this.

this is a bit I wrote today its from the beginning of my chapter "When is running away not running away Or Life does not happen at the pace you want it to."
________________________________

There was a knock on the door at six the next morning. the sun was shining through the large windows of the bed room. the knock came again but there was no response. The inhabitant of this room was fighting against the noise to stay asleep. The person knocking was persistent and was not going to be defeated by the sleeping girl inside the room.

No matter how the pillow was flipped ,or the covers were adjusted, and even if she plugged her ears Ren could not block out the knocking.

" Alright I am coming just stop knocking" the tired, mess of hair and sleep clothes made her way to the door. She could only just barely remember were she was and why she had to open the door herself.

upon opening the door she saw not one but two people. Staring at her rather abnormally unmade self. At first all Ren could see was that one was male and one was female, but as her eyes adjusted she recognized one of them. Suddenly she wished she had gotten dressed or possibly just brushed her hair.

"ah there you are Ren we were worried for a moment that you had told the room to block out the knocking sound." Ren wished she had considered that option before opening the door. She noticed Phallon seemed to ignore her less than polished appearance. She did not have time to decide if that was good or bad before he continued talking.

"This is Ailuro-" The girl next to him cut him off rather aggressively.

"I am Ailur Ursus your mother wanted me to help you get ready for your very busy day." She had a round face with high cheek bones and a pointed chin her skin was about as pale as Ren's and she had large round dark gray eyes. she had to be nearly the same age." It is nice to meet you Ren."

She walk into the bedroom and looked around. Phallon followed her but rather than walk around and examine the room he chose to sit in the desk chair. Ren shut the door.

"Well your room shows that you have great taste although very simple" Ailur was now taking a closer look at Ren's hair and face. "You know this will not be as difficult as Phallon lead me to believe."

Ailur walked away to rummage through her closet. What had Phallon said to her to make her think Ren would be difficult? Did he think she was a handful or maybe he had described her as unattractive. Ren was not pleased to think he would have said either but decided to let it go.

However her attitude toward him was affected by it. "So what is going on today that I need help getting ready for?" She sat on the end of her bed which she noticed had made it self. she wondered momentarily why she was being given so much to do. Preferably she would have had a few days to get use to her new home and family before being thrown haphazardly into an arranged engagement and political position.

Even she knew that life happens when it happens and will not wait for you to get comfortable before continuing on.

Larkk wrote:
I'm feeling rather stuck today, but unwilling to slow down on my word count, I wrote myself into the story to rant about it, and to have a look around. Here's some of what happened: (and I'm not cheating! All words count for Nano!)
I'm on board the DRAGN with my mc, Teragus Swansong.

Wow--this is great, Kirsten! I'll have to remember this technique--looks like it is a neat way to get unstuck!

Thanks for sharing!
--Tim

This is one of my favorite bits so far:

Quote:He could feel its icy breath puff across his cheek, and he jerked his head to the left and cracked it against the stone that he had forgotten was there. Bright spots of light burst behind his eyes and he felt himself falling backwards. And then, there were warm hands on his shoulder and the back of his neck, carefully lowering him to the floor.
Now, that was foolish, the Darkness crooned, and when Fury opened his eyes, there was a dim light in the cavern, and he saw the face of his childhood friend bent low over him. I never wanted you to hurt yourself.

Get away from me, he ground out, trying to roll away from the hands of the thing that was wearing the skin of his dead friend. Get away.

The Darkness sat back, its face contorting in something that Fury almost thought might be pain. But I cant. You are so dear to me, Erebus.

Dear to you? he scoffed. Dear to you? Fury brought his hands up to rub them over his face. Dear to you. That may be the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard.

You disbelieve me? the Darkness asked. But I did everything for you. I gave you a new life. I have only ever wanted to be your friend.

It reached out Ademars hand towards Fury, and it took all he had to roll his head away. There was a part of him that longed for that touch, for any contact with the boy who had been like a brother to him for his entire childhood. But this was not Ademar. This was something vile and foul wearing his skin. This was not the boy that he had killed. This was something wrong and disgusting and altogether hideous.

I will never be your friend, Fury promised vehemently. You killed Ademar. We will never be friends.

The Darkness plucked at the shirt it wore. But I am Ademar, cant you see? I wear his skin and think his thoughts and remember his memories. I am your Ademar, Erebus. How can you not see that is true?

Fury shook his head and tried to turn away, to curl in on himself and pray for this nightmare to end, but the Darkness gripped his shoulder tight enough to keep him still. No, he whispered. You are everything that Ademar was not. You may have his memories and wear his skin, but you arent my friend. Youre foul, and youve defiled him. You killed him, and as if that wasnt bad enough, you ruined him, too.

I have done no such thing, the Darkness said. I have made him better. I have made him brave and strong and unafraid of the things that caused him terror before. He is a better Ademar than he was when you knew him.

Tears slid from the corners of Furys eyes, and he shook his aching head. No, he said softly. He was fine the way he was. He didnt have to be brave or strong. I never should have pushed him. I never should have made him go into that damn cave. I should have listened when he said no, but I wanted him to be brave. I didnt want to always have to be the brave one.

I know, the Darkness said, brushing its hand through Furys hair. I know, Erebus. That is why I have become brave enough for both of us. You neednt be brave anymore. I will be the brave one.

Fury laughed pitifully. You made me a coward. You gave me everything I ever wanted, right?

The Darkness brightened. Yes! You see? I have done everything you ever wanted! You no longer had to be the brave one. You were able to be the quiet one. I only gave you what you wanted, Erebus. I gave you the world. Do you see, now?

You certainly arent my Ademar, he said softly. Ade was smarter than that.

Great stuff here, Carly. I certainly want to know what happens to this thing that used to be his friend.

The journey was long and hard. At times all Kazim could see was sand. Sand all around him, mounded in dunes, rippling and undulating, sometimes like cloth and when the light bounced off the sand just so, he imagined it as waves from the illuminated paintings he had once had the fortune of peeking at in the palace. The rhythm of riding on a camel was disagreeable at first to the young boy. Once, he almost fell off his precarious perch atop its hump when the foul beast unexpectedly turned its long neck to peer back at him. He was curious at first at the creature's sleepy eyes, the heavy-lidded look of its lashed eyelids. It was then that the camel decided to bray, the air flapping its fleshy lips in such an unexpected, unattractive fashion that Kazim yelped and fell backward onto the sand.

"It is a good thing we have not left yet, young man," the caravan master said from the other side of the camel where he landed. The old nomad laughed, stepping around the beast to give Kazim a hand up. The youth took it begrudgingly, his pride wounded by the sudden fall. "Be glad he was not yet standing or you might have actually hurt something more than just your pride."

Throughout the journey, Kazim kept by the caravan master's side, learning what he could. There was not much to do but to watch the man, lest he be bored to death from staring at a landscape that looked much the same to him wherever he looked.

"How do you even know where we are? Unless there is an oasis nearby, everything looks the same," Kazim said as he rode behind the caravan master. The nomad waved him forward, signaling for him to set his camel to ride alongside his at the front of the caravan.

"Ah, then you must learn how to see, young one." He pointed at a distant dune. "You see that shape, how it curves with the softness of a woman?" He laughed just then. "No? Well perhaps you are too young to know what I speak of, but look, young Kazim...and look well."

"That," he said, "is not a mound of sand. It does not shift, despite it being the same color. That is made of rock and does not change its shape. This we gaze upon for a long time as we ride through the vastness. Its shape burns itself into our memories and I gaze upon it as I look upon the face of my own beloved."

Kazim looked, gazed and gawked. He craned he neck and nearly earned himself another fall. Yet he could not fathom how the rise and fall of the shape in the distance was the "softness of a woman." Still, he observed, and as the hours fell away and melted into days, the shape in the distance became more familiar. He could pick it out even as they twisted in their path, avoiding the softer sands that would hamper the progress of their caravan.

The caravan master was pleased with the progress of his temporary protege. "Did I not say you would soon know her well? We call this mountain the Lost Maiden. See how she reclines on her side, awaiting her love?"

Kazim screwed his face up. "Why must everything be about women and love? Can it not be the back of a dragon instead?"

That earned much laughter from everyone within earshot, forcing the young man to retreat into sullen silence. It did not sit well with Kazim to be made fun of, despite the fact that it was his own words that had placed him in that predicament.

Thanks, Tim!
I'm pleased to report that this totally worked. :) I figured out why I felt I needed to write this, (I needed to say good-bye to the protagonist because he has some tough things happening up next) and now I have a clear path all the way to the end of my story!!

Definitely give this a try if you're stuck.

Love. Love love love.